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ibro hasanovich
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You Can't Curl Your Hair with Holy Rollers - Michael Nolan and Eve Sarrett (This is a multidenominational humorous look at the church in an
effort to lead us not into the temptation of taking ourselves too
seriously. Abraham laughed and God let him live so laughter must not be
a sin. Mike wrote in the jacket of my book, "Melinda, my only hope is
that Eve and I don't become to Christians what Salman Rushdie is to
Muslims. There is joy in the journey."
Excerpts:
Problems with live nativity scenes:
- most Wal-Marts don't carry myrrh
- no one wants to play the innkeeper
- unchurched kids come to look for gold, Frankenstein and Merv
- camels can spit
Bible Stories deleted because they were considered uninspired:
- Lazarus tries to explain resurrection to his life insurance agent
- Lot's sister-in-law looks back and is turned into pepper
- Joshua leads the children of Israel to Gilligan's Island
- Children of Israel throw paper wads at Gibeonites until someone puts an eye out
How many Presbyterians does it take to change a lightbulb? They're not sure, but there's a committee studying the issue.
How many Amish does it take to change a lightbulb? What's a lightbulb?
How many Methodists does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but first they want to make sure no one is offended by the change.
How many charismatics does it take to change a lightbulb? Three. One to do it and two to bind the spirit of darkness.
How many Mormon missionaries does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to bike over to the hardware store and one to do it.
How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to change a lightbulb? It doesn't matter because you won't let them in to change it anyway.
Signs of End Times:
- "Sally Jessy Raphael" expands to 90 minutes
- McDonald's sign reads "Over 666 Million Served"
- Attention spans so decreased you can't even finish a.
- Wile E. Coyote catches the Road Runner
The missions trip was hard when
a. the pastor asks for all the survivors to stand
b. next year's mission budget will be used to pay for counselling for this year's missions participants
c. someone reads Paul's hardships in 2 Corinthians 11 and the missions team members caustically mutter, "Big deal! What a whimp!"
Marquees that increase attendance
- come hear the faster pastor
- we put the fun back into fundamentalism
- come see if the rumors are true
Ways to communicate hell to contemporary culture:
- becoming a porkchop, and the devil is a pit bull
- finding your cable tv stuck on The Weather Channel
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